In this video, I share some useful tips and advice for the marriage night or the ‘1st night’ between a married couple.
The marriage night is one of the most anticipated nights of a Muslim person’s life. I know this may sound over-dramatic, but imagine that the marriage night is the 1st time a Muslim male or female is officially “allowed” to be alone with someone of the opposite gender, without the presence of a guardian.
With this in mind, it is important to share some advice for newly-weds, who may be terrified at the thought of being alone with their husband or wife for the 1st time.
It is entirely up to the couple whether they choose to have sex on the marriage night or after a few nights once they are a little more familiar with each other and feel comfortable to take things further. Also, the bride may be on her period, which would allow the couple the perfect opportunity to get to know each other better without the pressure of sex hanging over them.
It is important to remember that there is no rush and the newly married couple will have the rest of their lives to get to know each other. Once both parties are comfortable, ready and consent to taking things further, they should both make an effort to make the “1st night” as memorable as possible.
Although it is completely normal and natural to feel nervous/anxious about the 1st time, the butterflies should not be allowed to take over. The excitement should be greater than the fear. The couple chose to be together, and the marriage night will be a night that they will remember for the rest of their lives. The last thing they want is to feel so nervous that they cannot actually enjoy their 1st time together.
To make the marriage night a wonderful, memorable experience for your spouse, you must get to know what he/she likes. What are his/her favourite colours and fabrics? What type of lingerie does he like? Does she like flowers or chocolates? Candles or fairy lights? The more you pay attention to the little details and make the extra effort, the more it will be appreciated by your spouse. Prepare the bedroom to please your spouse and make him/her feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible.
It is essential to look and smell Great on your 1st night together, as you want to be as pleasing to your spouse as possible. Don’t forget, most of you have been building up to this day for the majority of your adult (and even teenage) life. It is not just the women who need to smell Great, men should also smell great and not overpower their fresh brides with nervous sweat 🙂
Men and women should ensure that their body hair is taken care of, including the armpits and private parts, according to Islamic tradition. Cleanliness is appealing!
Smell can be an extremely sensuous. Use a nice shampoo and make your hair feel, look and smell as gorgeous as it can, as this will really overpower all of your spouse’s senses and he/she will be overwhelmed 🙂
One of the main fears for the fresh bride in particular is that her husband will hate her body. As females we can struggle with body confidence and some of us worry that our husbands will compare us to the perfect females that they see on the TV or social media. Unless you have been walking around in multiple layers of bin bags, your fresh husband should have a rough idea about your body shape and will not expect you to be “perfect” naked. Our husbands are generally more forgiving of our imperfections than we are of our own imperfections. If you are extremely conscious of your body, wear lingerie that is more forgiving, like teddy or babydoll nightwear.
The Muslim couple should pray together on the 1st night, with the husband leading the wife in prayer. What a beautiful way to start the 1st night of the rest of their lives in’sha’Allah 🙂 Islam is a way of life for Muslims, which it should be on the marriage night as any other time in our lives.
Before intercourse, the Muslim couple must recite the following du’a/supplication to seek protection from the evil amongst the unseen during their intimacy: bismillaah – allaahumma jannibnash-shayṭaana, wa jannibish-shayṭaana maa razaqtanaa
Without actually describing the act of intercourse, make sure that you take it easy and make the act as comfortable as possible, particularly for the bride. Use massage oils/gels to enhance enjoyment and make things easier as it is sometimes painful and not always straightforward, especially the 1st time.
Make sure you have an extra set of bed covers, especially if you live with extended family as that will save you embarrassment.
After intercourse, you cannot pray salah until you have performed ghusl or the cleansing bath. It is permissible to delay the ghusl just before the dawn/fajr prayer, which would again save you embarrassment and hassle
Keep some mints under your pillow to avoid breathing morning breath into your spouse’s face. He/she will need time to get used to it 🙂
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