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A Hindu marriage is Vivaha or "Kalyanam" or "Madhuve"(Sanskrit: विवाह Kannada:ಮದುವೆ Tamil: கல்யாணம் ) and the marriage ceremony is called vivaah sanskar in North India and Kalyanam or Madhuve in South India. Hindus attach a great deal of importance to marriages. The ceremonies are very colourful, and celebrations may extend for several days. The bride’s and groom’s home – entrance, doors, wall, floor, roof – are sometimes decorated with colors, balloons, and other decorations.
The rituals and process in a Hindu marriage vary widely. Nevertheless, there are a few key rituals common in North Indian Hindu weddings – Kanyadaan, Panigrahana, and Saptapadi, which are respectively, giving away of daughter by the father, voluntarily holding hand near the fire to signify union, and taking seven steps with each step includes a promise to each other before fire. However, these rituals aren’t essential part of South Indian Hindu weddings were exchange of garland is main ritual, along with it tying of "Tali" around bride’s neck.
The North Indian Hindu marriage ceremony at its core is essentially a Vedic yajna ritual. The primary witness of a Hindu marriage is the fire-deity (or the Sacred Fire) Agni, where as in South Indian tradition reciting holy chant with or without Sacred Fire is very common form of ritual, in the presence of family and friends. The ceremony is traditionally conducted entirely, or at least partially in Sanskrit, considered by Hindus as the language of holy ceremonies. The local language of the bride and groom is also used.
The pre-marriage and post-marriage rituals and celebrations vary by region, preferences or the resources of the groom, bride and their families. They can range from one day to multi-day events. Pre-marriage ceremonies include engagement (involving vagdana or betrothal and lagna-patra written declaration), and arrival of the groom’s party at the bride’s residence, often in the form of a formal procession with dancing and music. The post-marriage ceremonies may include Abhishek, Anna Prashashan, Aashirvadah, and Grihapravesa – the welcoming of the bride to her fresh home. The marriage marks the start of Grihastha (householder) stage of life for the fresh couple.
In India, by law and tradition, no Hindu marriage is binding and complete unless the ritual of seven steps and vows in presence of fire (Saptapadi) is completed by the bride and the groom together. This requirement is under debate.
A Hindu marriage is regionally called vivaha (Hindi: विवाह), (Bengali : বিবাহ), (Kannada: ಮದುವೆ (Maduve)), (Telugu: పెళ్లి (pelli), మనువు (manuvu).
EIGHT TYPES OF MARRIAGE
Ancient Hindu literature, such as Asvalayana Grhyasutra and Atharvaveda, identify eight forms of marriages. These are:
– Brahma marriage – considered the religiously most appropriate marriage, where the father finds an educated man, proposes the marriage of his daughter to him. The groom, bride and families willingly concur with the proposal. The two families and relatives meet, the girl is ceremoniously decorated, the father gifts away his daughter in betrothal, and a vedic marriage ceremony is conducted. This type of marriage is today most prevalent among Hindus in modern India.
– Daiva marriage – in this type of marriage, the father gives away his daughter along with ornaments to a priest as a sacrificial fee. This form of marriage occurred in ancient times when yajna sacrifices were prevalent.
– Arsha marriage – in this type of marriage, the groom gives a cow and a bull to the father of the bride and the father exchanges his daughter in marriage. The groom took a vow to fulfill his obligations to the bride and family life (Grihasthashram).
– Prajapatya marriage – in this type of marriage, a couple agree to get married by exchanging some Sanskrit mantras (vows to each other). This form of marriage was akin to a civil ceremony.
The above four types of marriages were considered prashasta marriages (proper, religiously appropriate under Hinduism), since they contains vows from Vedic scriptures, where both bride and groom commit to each other and share responsibilities to their families. The other four were considered aprashasta (inappropriate), since they do not follow any Vedic rituals and vows. Among inappropriate weddings, two acceptable forms of marriages were:
– Gandharva marriage – in this type of marriage, the couple simply live together out of love, by mutual consent, consensually consummating their relationship. This marriage is entered into without religious ceremonies, and was akin to the Western concept of Common-law marriage. Kama Sutra, as well as Rishi Kanva – the foster-father of Shakuntala – in the Mahabharata, claimed this kind of marriage to be an ideal one.
– Asura marriage – in this type of marriage, the groom offered a dowry to the father of the bride and the bride, both accepted the dowry out of free will, and he received the bride in exchange. This was akin to marrying off a daughter for money. This marriage was considered inappropriate by Hindu Smriti-writers because greed, not what is best for the girl, can corrupt the selection process.
The last two marriages were not only inappropriate, but religiously forbidden (the children, if any, from these forbidden types of consummation were considered legitimate, nevertheless):
– Rakshasa marriage – where the groom forcibly abducted the girl against her and her family’s will. The word Rakshasa means devil.
– Paishacha marriage – where the man forces himself on a woman when she is insentient, that is drugged or drunken or unconscious.
James Lochtefeld finds that the last two forms of marriage were forbidden yet recognized in ancient Hindu societies, not to encourage these acts, but to provide the woman and any children with legal protection in the society.
There is no single standard Hindu marriage ceremony. Regional variations and considerable flexibility in the rituals are prevalent. The variations may be based on family traditions, local traditions, resources of the marrying families, and other factors. Some of the key rituals are performed in slightly different ways in different regions.
These are a few key rituals common in a North Indian Hindu marriage ceremony, these practices were recently followed by some upper castes of South India as well. These are:
– Kanyadaan – the giving away of daughter by the father
– Panigrahana – a ritual in presence of fire, where the groom takes the bride’s hand as a sign of their union
– Saptapadi – is the most important ritual. It is called the seven step ritual, where each step corresponds to a vow groom makes to bride, and a vow the bride makes to groom. The vows are pronounced in Sanskrit in long form, or short quicker form, sometimes also in the language of the groom and bride. In many weddings, Saptapadi is performed near a fire; and after each of the seven oaths to each other, the groom and bride perform the ritual of agnipradakshinam – walk around the fire, with the end of their garments tied together. The groom usually leads the bride in the walk. The fire is a form of yajna – a vedic ritual where fire is the divine witness (to the marriage). After Saptapadi, the couple are considered husband and wife.
Traditional Tamil marriage essentially don’t follow Kanyadaan, Panigrahana and Saptapadi rituals. According to P.T. Srinivasa Iyengar, "rite of marriage there is nothing absolutely Aryan, there is no lighting of fire, no circum ambulatory of fire, and no priest to receive dakshina". Many of this Tamil traditions were still prevalent among Nair community of Kerala, and some communities of Tamil Nadu. These tradition of simple marriage still performed in Guruvayur Temple in Kerala.
Lara Homan or Fire ritual is observed by Brahmin communities of South India, it is absent in other communities of South India.
The Kanyadaan ceremony is performed by the father. If the father has died, a guardian of bride’s choosing performs this ritual. The father brings the daughter, then takes the bride’s hand and places it to the groom’s. This marks the beginning of the ceremony of giving away the bride. The groom accepts the bride’s hand, while the kama-sukta (hymn to love) is pronounced, in the presence of the father, the bride and the groom. The Kamasukta verse is:
Who offered this maiden?, to whom is she offered?
Kama (the god of love) gave her to me, that I may love her
Love is the giver, love is the acceptor
Enter thou, the bride, the ocean of love
With love then, I receive thee
May she remain thine, thine own, O god of love
Verily, thou art, prosperity itself
May the heaven bestow thee, may the earth receive thee
After this ritual recital, the father asks the groom to not fail the girl in his pursuit of dharma (moral and lawful life), artha (wealth) and kama (love). The groom promises to the bride’s father that he shall never fail her in his pursuit of dharma, artha and kama. The groom repeats the promise three times.
The groom’s promises to bride’s father marks the end of the kanyadaan ritual in Hindu marriage.
In South Indian weddings, Kanyadaanam is a ceremony where the corner of the bride’s sari is tied to a scarf. The scarf is then worn by the groom. Special thread is blessed with religious incantations. The thread is then used to tie the right hands of bride and groom. This is a symbol of fresh eternal unity.
The ritual of Panigrahana comes after Kanyadana. Sometimes, this ritual is preceded by vivaha-homa rite, wherein a symbolic fire is lit by the groom to mark the start of a fresh household.
Panigrahana is the ‘holding the hand’ ritual as a symbol of their impending marital union, and the groom announcing his acceptance of responsibility to four deities: Bhaga signifying wealth, Aryama signifying heavens/milky way, Savita signifying radiance/fresh beginning, and Purandhi signifying wisdom. The groom faces west, while the bride sits in front of him with her face to the east, he holds her hand while the following Rg vedic mantra is recited:
I take thy hand in mine, yearning for happiness
I ask thee, to live with me, as thy husband
Till both of us, with age, grow old
Know this, as I declare, that the Gods
Bhaga, Aryama, Savita and Purandhi, have bestowed thy person, upon me
that I may fulfill, my Dharmas of the householder, with thee
This I am, That art thou
The Sāman I, the Ŗc thou
The Heavens I, the Earth thou
In Gujarati marriage this step is called "Hast-Milap" (literally, meeting of hands). The whole ceremony was timed around an auspicious time ("Mauhurat") for this step and few decades ago, the marriage invitation would even list the time when this event was going to take place.In South Indian marriage where holding of hands is observed, fire is absent completely, instead water mixed with turmeric powder is poured over the hands to complete the ritual. This depiction is seen in Madurai Meenakshi Temple. Auspicious items like a coconut, betel leaves, and nuts are placed on the hands of the bride. On the bride’s head, a ring made of Darbha of Kusa grass is placed. And over it is placed a yoke. The gold Mangal Sutra or Thali is placed on the aperture of the yoke, and water is poured though the aperture.
One of the ancient poem in Tamil describes the actual marriage ceremony as follows “There was a huge heap of rice cooked with pulse (even after many guests had been fed). On the floor of a pandal built on long rows of wooden columns was spread freshly brought sand. House lamps were lighted. The bride and the bridegroom were adorned with flower-garlands. In the beautiful morning of the day of the bent, bright moon, when the stars shed no evil influence, some women carrying pots on the head, others bearing fresh, broad bowls, handed them one after another while fair elderly dames were making much noise. Mothers of sons, with bellies marked with beauty-spots, wearing beautiful ornaments, poured water on the bride, so that her black hair shone bright with cool petals of flowers and rice-grains (which had been mixed with the water), and at the same time they blessed her, saying ‘do not swerve from the path of chastity, be serviceable in various ways to your husband who loves you and live with him as his wife’. On the night after the marriage ceremony was over, the neighbouring ladies assembled, (dressed the bride in fresh clothes) and sent her to the arms of her lover, to which she went with trepidation.”
South Indian marriage rituals validating element in performance of the marriage is not saptapadi, but the ritual of panigrahana, the seizing of the bride’s hand is most obvious. The ritual depicted in dharma texts, but lost its dominant position in North Indian marriage but still part of an important ritual in South India.
SAPTAPADI – SHORT FORM
The Saptapadi (Sanskrit for seven steps/feet), is the most important ritual of Vedic Hindu weddings, and represents the legal part of Hindu marriage. Sometimes called Saat Phere (seven rounds), couple conduct seven circuits of the Holy Fire (Agni), which is considered a witness to the vows they make to each other. In some regions, a piece of clothing or sashes worn by the bride and groom are tied together for this ceremony. Elsewhere, the groom holds the bride’s right hand in his own right hand. Each circuit of the consecrated fire is led by either the bride or the groom, varying by community and region. Usually, the bride leads the groom in the 1st circuit. In North India, the 1st six circuits are led by the bride, and the final one by the groom. In Central India and Suriname, the bride leads the 1st three or four circuits. With each circuit, the couple makes a specific vow to establish some aspect of a happy relationship and household for each other.
In some of the South Indian weddings, especially in the Brahmin communities after each saying a mantra at each of the seven steps, the couple say these words together:
"today let us make a vow together. We shall share love, share the same food, share our strengths, share the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vows together. I shall be the Samaveda, you the Rigveda, I shall be the Upper World, you the Earth; I shall be the Sukhilam, you the Holder – together we shall live and beget children, and other riches; come thou, O beautiful girl!"
In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps:
"We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. May the plants be honey-sweet for us. May the sun be all honey for us. May the cows yield us honey-sweet milk. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our union be permanently settled."
SAPTAPADI – LONG FORM
The long form of the key Hindu marriage ritual, Saptapadi, starts with preface announced by the priest, and thereafter followed by a series of vows the groom and bride make to each other. They are as follows:
Priest’s preface: The world of men and women, united in the bond of marriage by Saptapadi, to further promote the joy of life, together listen with triumph.
Step 1 – Groom’s vow: O!, you who feeds life-sustaining food, nourish my visitors, friends, parents and offsprings with food and drinks. O! beautiful lady, I, as a form of Vishnu, take this 1st step with you for food.
Step 1 – Bride’s vow: Yes, whatever food you earn with hard work, I will safeguard it, prepare it to nourish you. I promise to respect your wishes, and nourish your friends and family as well.
Step 2 – Groom’s vow: O!, thoughtful and beautiful lady, with a well managed home, with purity of behavior and thought, you will enable us to be strong, energetic and happy. O! beautiful lady, I, as Vishnu, take this 2nd step with you for the strength of body, character and being.
Step 2 – Bride’s vow: Yes, I will manage the home according to my ability and reason. Together, I promise, to keep a home that is healthy, strength and energy giving.
Step 3 – Groom’s vow: O!, skillful and beautiful lady, I promise to devote myself to earning a livelihood by fair means, to discuss, and let you manage and preserve our wealth. O! dear lady, I, as Vishnu form, cover this 3rd step with you to thus prosper in our wealth.
Step 3 – Bride’s vow: Yes, I join you in managing our income and expenses. I promise to seek your consent, as I manage our wealth, fairly earned, so it grows and sustains our family.
Step 4 – Groom’s vow: O!, dear lady, I promise to trust your decisions about the household and your choices; I promise to dedicate myself to help our community prosper, the matters outside the house. This shall bring us respect. O! my lady, I, as Vishnu, take this 4th step with you to participate in our world.
Step 4 – Bride’s vow: Yes, I promise to strive to make the best home for us, anticipate and provide necessary things for your worldly life, and for the happiness of our family.
Step 5 – Groom’s vow: O!, lady of skill and pure thoughts, I promise to consult with you and engage you in the keep of our cows, our agriculture and our source of income; I promise to contribute to our country. It shall win us future. O! my skilled lady, I, as Vishnu form, take this 5th step with you to together grow our farms and cattle.
Step 5 – Bride’s vow: Yes, I promise to participate and protect the cattle, our agriculture and business. They are a source of yoghurt, milk, ghee and income, all useful for our family, necessary for our happiness.
Step 6 – Groom’s vow: O!, lovely lady, I seek you and only you, to love, to have children, to raise a family, to experience all the seasons of life. O! my lovely lady, I, as Vishnu, take this 6th step with you to experience every season of life.
Step 6 – Bride’s vow: Feeling one with you, with your consent, I will be the means of your enjoyment of all the senses. Through life’s seasons, I will cherish you in my heart. I will worship you and seek to complete you.
Step 7 – Groom’s vow: O friends!, allow us to cover the seventh step together, this promise, our Saptapad-friendship. Please be my constant wife.
Step 7 – Bride’s vow: Yes, today, I gained you, I secured the highest kind of friendship with you. I will remember the vows we just took and adore you forever sincerely with all my heart.
After the seventh step, the two become husband and wife.
SAPTAPADI – ABSENT
In South India, Section 7-A (inserted by Tamil Nadu government in 1968) of Hindu Marriage Act provides for a particular kind of marriage – Suyamariyathai marriages – among two Hindus. Which meant a marriage without a Brahmin priest and Saptapadi, the couple going around a fire seven times is not needed. Madras High Court said while upholding an amendment made 47 years ago by the Tamil Nadu government. In South India, groom leads the bride around the sanctum sanctorum or holy trees instead of holy fire.
Many Hindu weddings start with the Milne (meeting) and Swagatam (welcome) ceremony. This ritual is where the Baraat (groom’s procession party) arrives at the bride’s home or the location where the bride is and marriage will be celebrated. The Baraat typically includes dancing and joyous members of groom’s family, relatives and friends. On their arrival, there is a ritual where key persons from the groom’s side and bride’s side are introduced to each other. The introduction is typically followed by Jai mala (garland exchange between bride and groom) and a reception that serves food and drinks.
Many other rituals and ceremonies are sometimes found in Hindu weddings, such as madhuparka, vivaha-homa, agni-parinayana, asmarohana, laja homa, abhishek, anna-prashashan, and aashir-vadah. All these ceremonies are done at the marriage location, typically at or near the bride’s home. These additional rituals include the participation of the brothers, or sisters, or maternal/paternal relatives, guardians or friends of the bride.
In some parts of India, such as Gujarat and northern India, a laja homa ritual called mangal pherā is performed where the couple make four circles around holy fire. It follows hasta milap (meeting of hands of the couple), but precedes Saptpadi. The 1st three circles is led by the groom, and it represents three of four goals of life considered important in Hindu life – Dharma, Artha, Kama. The 4th circle is led by bride and it represents the 4th goal of life – Moksha. After Saptapadi, as hymns are being recited, the groom performs māņg sindoor ritual where a saffron or red color powder is marked into the parting of the wife’s hair. Instead of circling the fire and other steps, the rituals and ceremonies may be performed symbolically, such as stepping on tiny heaps of rice or throwing grains into the fire.
Some rituals involve rice or other grains, seeds and pastes. In these ceremonies, rice is thrown at the bride, groom or they kick a container containing the grain. Rituals include darshan, where the newly married couple are met, blessed and greeted by family and friends of the bride and groom.
After the marriage is complete, the bride leaves for groom’s home, where Hindu family members of the groom welcome the newly wedded couple in a ritual known as Grihapravesa (home coming/entry). This ceremony typically requires participation of the mother, father, brothers, and sisters, or other guardians of the groom.
Most common on North India, Aeke Beki is also an interesting tradition It is a marriage customary game played by bride and groom on the marriage day. This involves finding a ring and coins from a dish filled with a mixture of milk, water and Sindoor. Bride and groom sit in front of each other with the dish in the centre and there are seven goes to fetch ring or coins, whoever fishes out the most items wins.
Ancient literature suggests the Hindu couple spent time with each other, but delayed the consummation for at least three nights following the marriage. This rite, known as chaturthikarma – literally, "the rite performed on the 4th day of marriage" – has been claimed by some scholars as a possible basis for the validity of a marriage. Other scholars suggest Saptapadi and regionally customary marriage rituals, not consummation, defines legal validity of a Hindu marriage. The Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, Article 7, is consistent with the latter. Chaturthikarma is not a common practice in Hindu communities.
In modern Hindu families, the couple proceed to honeymoon after Grihapravesa.
RITUALS IN NEPAL
In the Hindu culture of Nepal, marriage rituals are done by the Chhetri in a sixteen step process that centers on the household. The household is important during the marriage ritual because it is the center of the concept of mandala; the Chhetri’s homes are considered to be domestic mandalas and so have roles as householders. The act of marriage brings men and women into the householder role. Marriage is the most important rite of passage for the Chhetris and is one of the most serious. Women move from their houses to the home of the groom after marriage. The ceremony is done in a precise and careful manner as to not bring bad luck to the families of the bride and groom; certain traditions, for example no one seeing the face of the bride until the end, are followed in order to ensure future prosperity. Prior to the marriage ceremony, there is no kinship between families of the bride and groom and the bride must be a virgin. The marriage ceremony consists of a series of rites that are performed over a two day period between the houses of the bride and the groom. Within each home the enclosed area in the courtyard (jagya) and the kitchen are used the most; the jagya and the kitchen are considered the most important parts of the domestic mandala structure because it is where rice (an important part of the Chhetri’s culture) is prepared and consumed. At the end of the ceremony is the establishment of the role of the wife and husband in the husband’s home.
The 1st step in the marriage ceremony is called Purbanga. In the kitchen of their homes, the bride and the groom worship the seven Mother Goddesses as so to pay respect to their ancestors and ask for peace. In the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th step, the groom is then blessed by his mother and is taken outside to his jagya where his father and procession (janti) carry him and bring gifts for the bride to her house in a ceremony called dulähä anmäune. In the 5th step as the groom waits before the house of the bride, gifts of clothes and food are placed around the jagya; the father of the bride then places red paste on the groom’s forehead indicating that he is no longer an outsider to his family. The 6th step is the performance of the Barani or welcoming for the groom and his janti as they enter the jagya. The father purifies the body of the groom using panchämrit (nectar from five pure liquids). A tiny feast is then held for the groom as the next steps in the marriage continue.
After the tiny feast, the marriage process for the bride begins. The seventh step takes place in the kitchen of the bride where the process of kanya dan starts; the bride’s parents give their daughter in marriage to her groom thereby allowing the bride to be a part of the groom’s lineage and making the father’s lineage secondary. After they wash their feet they dress in red and, in the eighth step, sit beside in each other in the jagya. They perform post-marriage rites as they make sacrificial offerings to the fire in the center of the jagya. During these rites the bride and groom perform tasks such as placing red powder in the hair of the bride and the bride eats leftover food of the groom and at the end the today husband gives his wife a personal name for which she is to be called by.
After the post-marriage ceremony, the married couple being to leave the bride’s home. In the ninth step, the husband and wife return to the kitchen of the wife and worship their ancestors and the seven Mother Goddesses. In the tenth, eleventh, and twelfth step, the couple leave the wife’s house as she is given a garland from her parents; the wife and husband enter the jagya and are then escorted out riding on palanquins as they return to their permanent home of the husband. The thirteenth step beings once they enter the jagya of the groom and his virgin sisters welcome the wife in a ceremony called arti syäl. They unveil the bride and adorn her with flower garlands and sprinkle puffed rice on her (a sign of prosperity). The fourteenth step is completed once the bride promises gifts to the sisters; she then moves on the fifteenth step where she steps on piles of rice in a path toward the kitchen. The final step is a series of rites, the 1st of which is the bride worshiping the ancestors and deities of the husband; she then demonstrates her skills in handling rice to the husband’s mother and sisters and then they entwine her hair. Finally, the mother unveils the bride again in front of the husband and in a ceremony called khutta dhog, the bride places the foot of the mother on her forehead thereby ending the marriage ceremony.
marriage AND MARRIED LIFE IN HINDUISM
While there are many rituals in Hinduism, such as those at birth and passing away of loved ones, the Hindu marriage is the most important and extensive personal ritual an adult Hindu undertakes in his or her life. Typical Hindu families spend significant effort and financial resources to prepare and celebrate weddings.
In 2008, Indian weddings market was estimated to be $31 billion a year. Various sources estimate India celebrates about 10 million weddings per year, and over 80% of these are Hindu weddings. The average expenditures exceed US$3,000 per marriage. Another $30 billion per year is spent on jewelry in India, with jewelry for weddings being the predominant market. In a nation with per capita annual income of $1,500, weddings are a major financial commitment for the typical Hindu family.
In India, where most Hindus live, the laws relating to marriage differ by religion. According to the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955, passed by the Parliament of India, for all legal purposes, all Hindus of any caste, creed or sect, Sikh, Buddhists and Jains are deemed Hindus and can intermarry. By the Special Marriage Act, 1954, a Hindu can marry a person who is not Hindu, employing any ceremony, provided specified legal conditions are fulfilled. By Section 7 of Hindu Marriage Act, and tradition, no Hindu marriage is binding and complete before the seventh step of the Saptapadi ritual in presence of fire, by the bride and the groom together. In some cases, such as South Indian Hindu marriages, this is not required.
A Vedic sage emphasized that the basis of happy and fulfilling married life is the sense of unity, intimacy and love between husband and wife both physically, mentally and spiritually. Hence wife is considered to be the Ardhangani of husband as per Hindu tradition. Marriage is not for self-indulgence, but is considered a lifelong social and spiritual responsibility. Married life is considered an opportunity for two people to grow as life partners into soul mates.
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